Coffee. My Story. Part 6. The Weird, Wacky, and Wonderful

From bans that labeled me “the devil’s brew” to parrots smuggling my seeds, my history is brimming with quirks that will make you raise your cup in wonder.

Hi, it’s me—Coffee.

By now, you know I’ve had my share of dramatic highs and lows—fueling revolutions, inspiring art, and shaping cultures. But did you know my journey is also filled with the downright bizarre? From bans that labeled me “the devil’s brew” to parrots smuggling my seeds, my history is brimming with quirks that will make you raise your cup in wonder.

Grab your mug—I’m spilling the beans on my weird, wacky, and wonderful past.

The Devil’s Brew: Coffee Bans and Suspicion

Believe it or not, there was a time when I was feared as much as I was loved. In the 16th century, some religious leaders in Mecca decided I was a dangerous drink. They claimed I led to sinful behavior and unholy thoughts—after all, why else would people gather in coffeehouses to chatter and stay up late?

The Ottoman Empire took things even further. Sultan Murad IV, a ruler with zero tolerance for dissent, banned me outright in 1633. He worried my coffeehouses were hotbeds of rebellion. According to legend, he would roam the streets disguised as a commoner, catching people red-handed with their cups. The punishment? Let’s just say it wasn’t a friendly warning.

And yet, even Murad couldn’t stop me. For every ban, my popularity grew stronger. Rebellion in a cup? Sounds about right.

A Pope’s Divine Approval

While some feared me, others saw my potential. When I reached Europe in the early 1600s, priests debated whether a “Muslim drink” like me was too sinful to touch. To settle the matter, they turned to Pope Clement VIII.

Curious, the Pope asked for a taste. One sip was all it took. “This devil’s drink is so delicious,” he declared, “we should cheat the devil by baptizing it!” With those words, I won my place in European hearts, spreading from royal courts to bustling markets.

The Parrot Smugglers

Oh, and speaking of spreading—I’ve had some clever accomplices over the years. Take, for instance, the story of the coffee-smuggling parrot.

In the 18th century, Dutch traders tightly controlled coffee cultivation in their colonies, guarding me like treasure. But French traders were determined to break the monopoly. According to legend, a crafty smuggler trained a parrot to carry my seeds in its beak, sneaking me out of Dutch territories and into French hands.

True or not, the tale speaks to the lengths people will go to for a taste of me.

Beethoven’s Bean Count

I’m not just a drink; I’m a ritual. And for some, that ritual borders on obsession. Case in point: Ludwig van Beethoven.

The famed composer had a strict coffee routine. He brewed each cup with exactly 60 beans—not 59, not 61. He counted them out meticulously, ensuring every sip was as perfect as his symphonies. You have to admire the dedication—it’s not easy to measure genius one bean at a time.

The Opera-Saving Brew

Did you know I once saved an opera? It’s true!

In 19th-century Vienna, composer Giuseppe Verdi was worried about the premiere of La Traviata. Ticket sales were sluggish, and Verdi feared the show would flop. To entice audiences, Verdi’s team offered free coffee with every ticket purchase.

The result? A full house and a roaring success. Coffee to the rescue once again!

Coffee Goes to Space

From opera houses to outer space—I really do get around. In 2015, I took my first trip beyond Earth, thanks to Italian astronaut Samantha Cristoforetti. Using a specially designed “ISSpresso” machine, Cristoforetti brewed and enjoyed an espresso aboard the International Space Station.

For the occasion, she even wore a Star Trek uniform, saluting Captain Janeway, the sci-fi captain famous for her love of coffee. It was a cosmic milestone that proved my reach truly knows no bounds.

The Curious Case of Cat Poop Coffee

And now for the strangest chapter in my story: kopi luwak, or civet coffee.

This rare (and controversial) brew is made from beans that have been eaten and excreted by civets, small cat-like animals. The beans are collected, cleaned (thank goodness), and roasted, resulting in a cup with supposedly unique flavors.

While kopi luwak gained fame as the world’s most expensive coffee, it’s also raised ethical concerns. Many civets are kept in captivity under poor conditions, sparking debates about whether this quirky tradition is worth the cost.

What’s Next: Coffee in the Modern World

Today, we marveled at the oddities of my past—from bans and blessings to parrots and poop coffee. But next week, we’ll bring things full circle. How am I shaping the modern world? What role do I play in pop culture, technology, and daily life?

Stick around for the final chapter of this caffeinated adventure. Trust me, it’ll be worth the sip.